funny from the couch

the other night mike and i were watching ellen when a challenge was made after we talked about whether ellen writes her own monologues or has help, i think she writes her own...i was challenged to come up with a 3 minute monologue everyday like ellen does when she starts her show(i think hers may be more like 10 but who's counting) so here it goes...my monologues are going to be this new blog thing and i hope whoever's reading them is ready for funny! I mean really funny because i'm pulling out all the stops, this will be my best attempts at stand up comedy from the comfort of my couch. i hope to make you laugh, sometimes to the point of tears if possible, and i hope you enjoy the little sneak peeks into my daily life that i'm sure this will bring. i don't know much about the blogging world other than it's someone writing on their computer like a journal for the whole world to read. if that's true, i should start by apologizing because this is going to be nothing like my 7th grade journal, that was funny! this will be more like some quick notes with no capitals and no spell check and maybe even a bad word here and there...let's just hope the bad words are from me and not some funny story about my 4 year old yelling at the dog.:) how's this sound so far? are we approaching funny? okay, here goes nothing...
the other day i was at trader joes and buying some basic groceries and a single bottle of wine. as i put the bag of groceries into my car i realized i didn't get carded, again, and in fact, i don't think i've been carded in about 6 years...except for the day after my last haircut when my bangs were too short. so there i was loading my groceries racking my brain to remember when the last time i was carded was and i just couldn't...how old was i anyway? 35? 36? when did i stop getting carded? it's funny how we get fake i.d.'s to look 21 and we pray to god we won't get carded. we turn 21 and can't wait to get carded and show off the good picture we took at the dmv for this special occasion. and then sometime, hopefully at least 10 years later, we stop getting carded and again, that's sort of cool...not quite as cool, but sort of. but now, here i am, 36 and counting and i can't remember getting carded in a long time and it hurts. it sucks. it's just not cool. the worst part is there's no moment when it stops, it just does. is that when the midlife crisis phase starts too and we just don't notice? it's like one day you're unloading the groceries and realize you haven't been carded in over 5 years and boom, the next day your belting out your favorite college tunes after a day of drinking with your buddies trying to recapture your youth(no experience here, just guessing:))...so what will it take to get carded again for one last time to commemorate the moment? i've considered just pulling out my i.d. and handing it to the cashier but i'm thinking it may be time to break out my old scu sweatshirt and throw my hair in a ponytail just for kicks...maybe that will work. maybe i need to just buy 2 cases of natural light, some doritos and a few pints of ben and jerrys...that has got to work. that's it, a college sweatshirt, all beer and maybe a token teenager by my side to look like the 36 year old loser who's buying for the shoulder tapping teens.
okay, maybe getting carded isn't all it's cracked up to be. i should be proud of my maturity and the aging gracefully look that i'm going for these days. next year i'll have a middle school daughter who will begin to spend endless hours in the bathroom perfecting her look for school so it's time for me to move out of her way. i've done the cute young thing. i've done the cute pregnant mommy thing. now i have to settle in to my new role as the cute one who only gets carded after a bad haircut...or maybe that's my new good haircut? :)